It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
