Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
