the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
