he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
