How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Rumble strips road head = magical
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
