walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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