My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
