and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
