the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
