Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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