Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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