i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
