I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
