Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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