The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
