The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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