I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
