Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
