I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
