i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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