I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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