that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize