I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
