Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
did i just pee glitter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
