The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
