He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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