wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
