how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
