if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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