i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize