dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
