About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
