My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
