I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
