I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize