So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
