Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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