Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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