He kissed a someone with a penis
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
