I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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