So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
