Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we're so committed to being not committed
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
