I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
