I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
