i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
