Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
