The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
