i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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