Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
