We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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