I CAN MOONWALK!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
