New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
