MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
