I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
