Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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