epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
