How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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