I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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