i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize