my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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