Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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