Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
