I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize