i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
