dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize