I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
