O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
