Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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