Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
