My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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