Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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