There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
